An average good and Bad day..

So here is my second entry since being diagnosed with blood cancer CML chronic myeloid Leukaemia on the 13th April
In my last entry I said I would write about the day I found out , but unfortunately where my head is at  and how I emotionally feel I am not ready to have that on the internet , Personally it’s hard to write
So I am doing an entry on a normal day, the good and bad in a couple days. As no day is “normal” anymore, without pain or discomfort, so thank you for reading  On this is a hard journey.


SATURDAYS 5th MAY 2018

So it’s sayurday and it’s my first proper Saturday off work since I had to reduce my hours unfortunately I had to do this because it was causing to much pain from my Cancer and my treatment!
It was a lovely day, sun was shining and I was feeling happy.. feeling Myself (which doesn’t happen often)
I went for a mini shopping trip with my partners mum, then me and my partner had a relaxing time in the garden (well I did, he did the garden jobs haha)
I got a call from my mum she was having a bad day and said she needed to see me..  said she was having a hard time knowing her “baby girl has cancer” she told me that “she wished she could take it away from me, and that she’d battle it because I’m too young, it’s not fair” it was so hard to hear, you forget that family also struggle with the thought of it too ! But I knew I couldn’t break down in front of her, not while she was struggling.

After a lovely afternoon I felt sad when I got home from visiting my mum, I just kept telling myself “I actually have cancer” “this isn’t a bad dream” “I’ll have cancer for the rest of my life, however long that may be” - I had to clear my head , otherwise a breakdown would of happened
We went round to our friends becca and Darren , who we are really close to and they have been so supportive and fantastic through all of this, and every day they let me know they are only down the road if I need anything ! So I messaged to see if I could pop round and watch the boxing..
I soon cheered up as we are going to Disney land for my birthday all 4 of us so we spoke about plans and it took my mind off it !
Then my friend announced that she would like me to be her bridesmaid, of course I said yes, it was some really good news after a feeling down day !!


Me and partner got home and I just couldn’t get COMFY in bed at all. My hips we’re in so much pain .. the same feeling I had the night I ended up in hospital, so this pain wasn’t the treatment this pain was the actually cancer (Leukaemia) going through different pains I can now identify which pain is which.
We tried painkillers, cushions under my hip, changing sides, different leg positions, and even my partner tried to sooth the pain, unfortunately nothing helped this time- it was going to be a long night.
I lead for hours no sleep , I had to try and switch my Brain off , forget the pain. Hours of fidgeting I must of eventually drifted off , I was so tired (but since being on treatment I am tired all the time) I woke up in the night a lot but drifted off not long after I woke at 6am in more pain and thought no way I’d get back to sleep, I did and woke again at my alarm at 7:30am


SUNDAY 6th MAY 2018

We got up early for a car show we was going to and my partners car was actually in the show - I was kind of dreading it with the amount of pain I was in that night
We got there and we took the dog with us and we had a lovely morning /afternoon (some photos will be added just because it was so lovely) it really was nice , we left a bit early as my hip pain was giving me some grief

I went to the cinema in the evening with a friend to see “I feel pretty” which was so funny I highly recommend it :D a good laugh was needed !

I got home just in time for my Leukaemia tablet and off to bed I went
Suddenly my tummy was in bits I felt the most sick I have felt since starting treatment.
I wanted to cry so badly , I felt everytime I moved or spoke I was going to vomit, even my sickness tablets weren’t helping this time !
My partner rubbed my tummy and I managed to drift off to sleep.
Woke up few times thinking “I’m gonnna be sick any moment!!”
In the morning unfortunately I had the runs (sorry to say but have to say all how it goes) which unfortunately in the book is yet another side effect to treatment (one I hadn’t had yet and hoped I wouldnt )
So it’s monday bank holiday and the sun is shinning so it’s a day in the garden for me, close to a toilet for runs and incase I vomit ..


So there is no GOOD DAYS or BAD DAYS. There Is just every day pain, with good things happing and others times bad things worse than normal.

Battling CML is hard,and i am still trying to figure it all out , figure out what is even going on and all the changes with my body.
Days I cry, Days I laugh
Just know anyone suffering with chronic myeloid Leukaemia that you have to enjoy those days with the “good moments” and i know the pain takes over your day to day life .. but PLEASE never give up the fight, you are NOT ALONE !
You are you , and you are loved and blessed.
I really hope me documenting certain events and how I feel helps people suffering with cancer or anyone who just suffers !
I find it so hard to write it all Online but once I do I feel so brave and proud of myself  knowing I am trying to help people while helping myself
It’s not just physical pain, cancer also causes emotional pain !
I hope anyone reading knows you’re not alone.

CML fighter, 13th April 2018
Leanne Humphreys xx