Side effects, feelings...

Feelings..

So it’s been nearly 3 months since I was Diagnosed with Blood Cancer (CML) and at first I took it very well, stayed positive and kept smiling and being “me” but recently it’s become harder, my side effects from the tablets and from my Leukaemia is getting worse and it’s harder to stay “me”!
A lot of nights I can’t sleep due to pain and sickness, at the minute the sickness is worse than anything, I wake up to be sick, as I lay down I feel sick knowing it won’t be long till I’m actually sick.. I have had my moments where I cry to my partner that I just don’t want to be sick anymore, I wish it would All just go away or at least stop, but unfortunately I guess that’s what you get with Cancer.. you have to put on a brave face and not let it show, for it doesn’t only effect you but the people around you, who see you every day, luckily My partner often sees through the “brave face” and knows when something is bothering me or if I’m in pain and helps me through!
I try not to cry in front of him or his/my family, as I want to be known as That strong girl, but I also have to remember what has happened to me has CHANGED my life and will effect me, for probably most of my life, even when I least expect it to!
I’m guess I’m writing this to help anyone who goes through this, you DO feel like giving up, and making it all stop, and you DO feel like stopping the Chemo Tabelts because of how it makes you feel - but you have to fight through all those feelings, I know it’s hard and easier said than done, but you are strong and you will make it, even though this Cancer can not be cured , remission is what you  can have where the cancer is “under control”  and that for me is now my life goal, to be in that place and start to feel like “Leanne” again and not “leanne with Cancer”

On the 10th of July my bloods get sent to the cancer hospital (in Leeds) as it would of been 3 months on treatment (time flies) - to find out what percent my Leukaemia is at , we’re aiming for 10%!! If too high this time isn’t too much of a problem, As long as by 6months it’s near 1% (preferred at 1% or lower)!  If not unfortunately it means my chemo tablets aren’t working with the Leukaemia and I will then be on a new TKI drug (chemo tablet)  so another goal is 1%

My regular bloods have been doing well (white blood cell count) it went up slightly on my last bloods 19th of June but it wasn’t a concern.

The random bruising I get the doctor said that is the Leukaemia, which could also be a sign that the tablets aren’t working.. so just waiting game now on these results after they’ve been sent off in 2 weeks !

So that is where my journey is at , at the moment..

SIDE EFFECTS..

I get a lot of side effects from my Leukaemia and my Chemo Tablets. I will attach pictures with writting on from what is what

SPOTS - Before I was diagnosed my legs Was always covered in spots and doctors said it was an allergy but didn’t know what to, do I was getting tested for all sorts of allergy and nothing made it go away, while I was in hospital getting my bone marrow biopsy, I showed (my now cancer doctor) the spots , when I was diagnosed he told me the spots were a possible sign of my immune system showing my Leukaemia, since being on Treatment I have not seen any spots since !! (Pictures attached) 

RASHES -  I get rashes from my tablets, where my tattoo ink (only black ink) would raise and go extremely itchy, a strange side effect but easily goes down with the tablets my doctor has prescribed me, also at first I got rashes always from my tattoos that would be bright red and bubbly (picture attached)

BRUISES -  I bruise so easy (always have) but with my Leukaemia I bruise randomly, bruises you’d expect to have felt if you had actually hit that area, one big one other night started as a red lump woke me up in the night painful then yellow/black bruise.. mainly my legs get covered (pictures attached) 

SICKNESS - now this one is for me the worst side effect yet, at first when I started chemo tablets I would feel sick after taking them , which I got prescribed anti sickness which helped loads (and sleep. Really helped too) 

But recently I spent nights throwing up, I’d wake up to throw up, couldn’t get to sleep because I knew I was gonna be sick and it’s upsetting , really gets me down , just want it to stop , but unfortunately with Cancer I guess that’s what you get (don’t worry No pictures attached ahha)

PAIN -  I mainly got pain in my hips and legs (where my pain originally started which made me find out I had blood cancer) and the pain has it days where it’s worse than others 

But recently I have had bad back pain right side of my spine and so hard to get comfy at night!

PUSS - On just one occasion I had puss come out of my piercing (dermals) 

So thank you for taking time to read my journey and for everyone who asks how I am or just shows their love, I can not express how much I appreciate it through such a hard chapter in my life , and I hope I can help anyone who suffers with what I write as I know it helps me to get it off my chest ! 

Your kind words and messages help through This and really makes me feel I can do this, so thanks again 

Leanne xx